probably had to tell demeter over and over again that she was fine, fine. mother, i took what i wanted, and what i wanted was dark, what i wanted was him. you and your friends whisper that i was dragged, pleading, under the damp earth. but i rule over everyone here, and he adores me for it, with his cold hands. he kneels only to me and i've never felt better than i have here in the dark. i'll come back when i'm bored with him, maybe, but not today. and i have all the pomegranates i could ever want.
i fell asleep on the bare floorboards in front of 'wings of desire', but when i woke up it had looped back to the menu, it wasn't the world of winklepickers and rowland howard anymore, it was just options. in my sleepy, pilled state that black and white world of dreamy treble reverb wasn't berlin at all but a saturday night where i used to live. saturdays in this weird new world have no meaning except maybe scrubbing all the lateral surfaces until i'm sweating. new bruises crop up on me as they always have, but they're not the result of touch. i'm in a marriage of convenience with this apartment.
i may begin to trust the doctor. he knows what's inside me is dark, dark and hungry, and not a place for cowards. he told me so, stole the words out of my mouth.